So here's what I'm thinking...how did i become the way i am,? How do i manage to block what bothers me, or even, manage to not alow it to bother me. My brother got kicked out yesterday, which sucks because i was just starting to enjoy having him around. How is it that at one point i can care less to care about religon, yet the next i'm bawling my eues out scared shitless of the hell fire, and the next month go back to being even worse than i was? i don't know. I know that i jump at any and every opportubity i have to go crazy, just because the opportunities come so rarely. I'm desperate to break free and fight the power, and even though it is something i am capable of doing, i won't do it because if being damned to hell for displeasing my parents. I mean can i disreguard everything else but this one thing? I just don't know. Also, this is the last year of high school, and from this june on, its going to be the real world. I need a change. I have begun to conclude this stage of my life, and i guess i just wanna make it good. school bites and I should be studying for a test correction quiz tomorrow, but i just don't care enought. Its unlike me, especially right off the bat in the beginning. But in exactly one year, will it matter that i bombed a PDM test? I don't know. alowly, i am getting less and less sleep, but i feel less tired than i would otherwise. I dont know if i have point to this rant but i don't know. Katie was saying how she'd like to step up her game, and i am just so jealous of how fequent the opportunities come her way to do so. I 'd kill for what half of what she can do. And the irony is, ive probably donr more than she has.....But what's the point in comparing???
The point is that I'm pissing away my time that i could be resting ir studying by blogging and watching sex and the city on alluc.org, which by the way is rather amazing if i dont say so myself...anyway, i dont want to fail math this year. Damnit, i think the internet is the devil in a technological form........